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fallingstar






"I want to talk to yall about Gracie, who lives in a kingdom of free lollies and porn. She is a magical cookie elf! Mine to be exact.

(Theres a heavy chance I might get sidetracked and start talking about Famous Amos or the weather, so be informed.)

Now, I might suffer from psychological and mental issues, but heck it dont matter because Gracie isn't exactly all about rationality and normal anyway. That may come as an insult to most of you, but if it does, then what the fuck are ya doin' here?We're hot young people in last year's clothes and freshly crazed minds. It doesn't matter if we're rude and stupid; didn't I say we're hot and young?

Anyway, I don't even know her full name, or else I forgot which is mean (don't forget your friend's full name kids), but I know very well that she is fucking awesome. More awesome than Saturday cartoons, more awesome than sundaes on a hot summer's day, more awesome than a public toilet when you have to piss so badly, and certainly, more awesome than myself, who is pretty damn awesome to be honest.

She is my other half. The kind of friend that you don't have to call every single day or meet 7 days a week, 12 months in a year but still have that bad ass bond that makes other people glare and admire. We discuss complicated plots to kidnap Pete and put him in our basement. Sometimes, when we are really in a good mood, we make up characters we wish we are, and babble away with childish imagination. We talk about deep stuffs too; we're smart, really, just in the wrong and sick way.

We share things I can't believe I could even think of sharing. We annoy ceaselessly, we promise carelessly, we wait patiently, we tease and torment, we ponder deeply, we fight with venom, we cry shamelessly and we love. And when we can't breathe, or the world seems to manipulate even more and close in on us, we sigh and we sit, in each other's presence.

She'd pat me on my back, and tell me everything is going to be alright even if the situation is completely hopeless and fucked. She'd put a smile on my sad, unjustified face, and sometimes leave my mouth wide open, just by being Gracie. She's explicit, and dangerous. She'd say 'Fuck your skinny asses' and say 'ILY' in a matter of seconds. She's wildly complicated. Freaky and alien, at times. Too emotional, or too icy. Sad, desperate and in love. And sometimes, in those rare moments, she's this happy little girl in pigtails with a giant ice cream in hand.

Maybe it's ridiculous to be so attached to someone over the internet; because we all know the internet can be a nest of terror, but whenever I allow myself to think about it, I find myself not caring at all. I'm here, she's here, we're rockin' and smokin', and we love each other. So, what's the problem?

We're friends, and if you knew exactly how we are together, you'd be so jealous.

And if youre one of those witty ass people who snort in contempt, and go They're psychopaths with too much time in their hands., well, guess what punk?

You suck.

(ooh, veeery snappy Ray.)

We have something, me and Gracie, and youd be lying through your teeth if you try to deny it. This unlogical and wondrous thing I call our friendship is so gigantic and powerful, itd blow Hiroshima and Nagasaki off hands down and still have enough ammos to smack you across the face. And Im not even sure why I instigate to convince you all so much anyways.

Haha. I think we're fucking alright, me and Gracie."

And I love you to death, Ravy.

blahblah
exits
.I?. x. x. x. x. x. x. And some other deepshits..

credits
designer : kathleen
image : hiddenmemoryx
lyrics : It Ends Tonight/ AAR

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

memories
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
November 2007
December 2007
February 2008

Now come on, come all to this tragic affair.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO : DEAD! - My Chemical Romance




Isn't she adorable?! ;p

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, right. New post again. I was feeling much better now, that I got the sleep I was so dying to have eversince School began. It feels so right sleeping as long as you want, without giving a shit of what time was it already or with the way your grandmom was already ranting on you because you're freakin' late for school.

But fuck that, for all I know now, is I own the motherfucking computer. HAA!
Err, you know what?! I don't really have anything else to post, except that I got offline messages from this pervert that I talked to a few months back. It kind of gave me flashbacks and goosebumps, but not because of amuzement, mind you. Goosebumps because of pure disgust.

I talked to that guy through my late late Vampirefreaks account, and he was really nice. He looks nothing like those pedophiles all over the net and I was thinking that maybe he was a safe person to talk to. And besides, from what he told he, he's a professor in some school in Georgia. But then, one time when I finally uploaded a real photo of me on VF, he started asking me weird things, complimenting me in such weird ways like "You have a pretty mouth." and whatnot.

Then one day, we were talking like we used to, then he suddenly stopped. And after a few moments he came back and admitted that he jacked off because of me.

...I logged off my Yahoo, blocked that motherfucker,deleted my Vampirefreaks and locked myself in my room for a couple of weeks. It's just...blah. I never told anybody about this before, not Ray nor Chrissy who influenced me on getting a VF account. I was too embarassed to tell my friends that I've been verbally molested by some High School Professor who can't even get laid in real life, and practically got too desperate that he let it out on a 15-year old kid.

Now, I'm on my way of suing Yahoo Messanger's ass for letting that pervert get into my account. I already blocked him for Frank's sake. Grrrrrr!

*goes off to block him again*

Errr, whoops. I should go to bed now. See you all them good people tomorrow. :]
And oh, one more thing.




He looks so much like this guy I used to know. *coughs*

My mind's unweaving/ 7:50 AM

Boo.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Ahh! Rachel almost pushed me off of the bridge! I am so telling Ray. HMP!

Err, that's got to be kind of exaggerating things. She just nudged me towards it, and since I fear bodies of water, my body got stiffed and I almost cried. She was being mean again. Grrr.

So as life. I mean, as if things have changed. Ray was right, nothing would change except that things will just get much worst, that's why there's no point of asking people how were they doing. It will all be the same and it'll just irritate the both of you.

Anyways, on the other note, I finally got the guts to delete my Myspace. I never taught clicking stupid buttons will be as hard as this, and typing an update about it, so as admitting things to myself was going to cause me such pain.

From now on, there will only be 1 single Ray in my life. End of story. I hope she won't be going anywhere as well.

And right now, I honestly don't know what else to type. I havent updated for days, and as much as I'm trying to take things out of my head and write it down, I can't. Maybe what I posted above was the sole thing that's been occupying my screwed up mind for the past days, or months. Whatever.

Admitting things to myself doesn't really me in all my parts, just the part that feels sorry for myself. Yes, I am indeed sorry for myself for a reason that even I, can't comprehend. Maybe it's because I was too stupid to even keep that account, and for letting things get down like this. Things could have turned out better if I wasn't being emotional and inlove and stupid.

Boo hoo.

... And ironic as it may sound, there's only one wish I got in my mind, and that is I don't want to see him ever again. Like, ever.

*sighs* I just need some sleep.


P.S// I've been talking to Cristina on the FS comments section, and I told her that we should have a get-together some time, which was a good idea. I miss them all anyway.

<333

My mind's unweaving/ 9:47 AM

I can hear you breathe with help from cold machines.
Friday, June 15, 2007

"Wake up, my love.
Never thought you'd make me, break me."


I was about to post something during my first day of college (Wednesday) but right after I took my dirty chucks off, I fell asleep. Like, deep sleep. I don't remember sleeping that soundly.

So, yeah. To make the long story short, College life hates me. Me and Rachel got lost looking for the building of our first subject, and when we got into it, we found out that it was not really our first class because there has been adjustments made. So, pretty much at 7:00 in the morning we're already freakin' pissed. But we never had any choice but to go find our actual class so head on to the next building. Good thing we got it right for the second time. *sighs*

Another good thing, our Chemistry teacher decided to dismiss our class earlier than it should be. So Rachel and I took lunch and started our walking marathon all over again.

And the second day, it was again, a disaster. Let's start with Rachel's sandals being ripped off, and both of us not realizing earlier that our first subject will be in the other building. So, we're lost again but at least we got new friends. Add to that, that our Zoology teacher was the craziest professor I've ever had. She jokes about sexual stuffs which obviously, my previous private catholic school never offered. It was insane and I love it. ;p

But our curse resumed by dismissal when we're suppose to meet our schoolmate at 7 Eleven. We waited there for 2 hours but there's no sign of her, so we just took off. And since we don't have any money left, we walked our way again up to the bridge, that's when our schoolmate texted us, telling us that she's still in school and she's very sorry. It was okay though since we had a good laugh playing pranks with the announcement board. I wrote things like "Hi Mom, Dad." , " To All Canadians, please tell Ray I said 'Hi'." and the like. We had fun freaking those strangers out. Pchta!

And so it's weekend, I feel empty. Err...I'm deleting/abandoning Myspace and it means "Bye Bye" to Liz. Well, she bid me farewell wayy back before but this time it's different. I never thought it would be as hard as this.

*shrugs* Errr, I shouldn't be just shrugging things off, just like Ray said. But whatever. Sometimes it's easier to escape than face people with nobody else there beside you to hold your hand. I can't face them anymore.

I feel like it's better off running away and letting go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



^ He's my other bitch.

And oh, one more thing, Love sucks! ;p
PS///
I just found out that my Exotic Dancer name was Inferno. Oohhh scorching hot. :]

My mind's unweaving/ 11:21 PM

Set this ferris wheel ablaze.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO : Sleep - My Chemical Romance

I was thinking maybe it's nice to make an update before I go to College.

Right, tomorrow IS the day, and me and Rachel have decided to wear casual outfits first since we haven't completed our uniform set. I look hot on uniforms, I swear. ;p

Err.. Enough with that. I have things to share.

Apparently, I've been having a hard time coping with things around, now that my Grandmom is in town. It's like all my chores has been doubled because she has alot of expectations, and maybe I'm not in the position to rant about something but I am just...fucking sick of all her criticisms. As if I'm her worst granddaughter. Well, I may be her worst granddaughter but I know as much as she knows that she criticizes me this much because I think of things in the most unusual way. "Radical like your dad." Like the way she put it.

I just don't understand why she always seem to hate me. But to hell with it, she's being to predictable like the others and it's making me not care. I just want her to not make me "not care".

Add the fact that somehow my brother and sister are adding up stories to her already-brainwashed perceptions. It's kind of frustrating. She's everything I never thought she would be and she disappoints me.

And tomorrow I'll be off to school and I'm sort of sure that it'll all be better, taken the fact that I'll be able to escape all her rantings about me. Things never change doesn't it? School is my escape from home and vice versa. I've never been so excited about school all my life.

Come on now College life, save me.

And speaking of saving, me and Chrissy would joke around FS comments, talking about her adopting me. I told her that if she adopts me and let me be her baby sister, I would let her give me wedgies, steal me some money and make me do her laundry. That wasn't much of a hellsome living compared to what life I'm living right now. *shrugs*

I think I should end that, I hate it when I rant.

So...Yeah, on the other note; I'm deleting Myspace this weekend. I'm just tired and sick of it. It makes me excited and disappointed and irritated all at the same time and I can't really hold such mixed emotions. I can't be bothered by some one-sided romance, I'm too sad to care about that. Now screw it.

Or maybe I'm just being too emotional, I don't know. I'm PMSing and things frustrates me more when it's my time of the month. Perhaps the next thing I know I'll be breaking hearts and promises all over again. Pfft. Whatever.

And I got to go. Grandmom says people shouldn't be staying too long infront of the computer because the it's radiation that we're all absorbing blah blah blah.

<3

And shit, One more hot thing;


*gasps* Frerard Lives! *fangirlism*

My mind's unweaving/ 5:34 AM

You left my heart an open wound.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO : The Razor - Head Automatica


I haven't posted in a while. I was suppose to post my pained ramblings the other day but I decided not to. It'll just makes things worst. I won't open things about it also, it's all over now. For all I know, I don't give a shit of what people thinks of me.

Enough of that. I have weird stories to tell.

Well, I joined Vampirefreaks.com, because I kinda...lost my account in there. And it's weird, because I'm expecting that people there will be...less friendly. But they're not, I just signed up an account and when I checked my homepage I've had like, 4 new comments already. It's pretty insane.

And you know what's more insane? Cult invites.

Well, it was like this, after a day I checked my VF account again and saw like, 7 invites. It comes up randomly, there's this one called "Assimilation", which I honestly don't get what the fuck is the cult all about, and there's a Spongebob Cult (WTF?!), Sex Idealist (I obviously am not an expert on this one but I joined. ;p ) and a few more that I didn't even bother checking out. But there's this cult called "Intellectual" and it's just...awesome. They have a great purpose and that is to condone useful debates that everybody can benefit into. I'm kind of addicted flooding their messageboard since I got a quite good reputation being a young, opinionated member, Im kind of getting the hang of people agreeing with me. Haha! Manipulation at its finest.

If you find the SpongeBob cult invite weird...Well umh, I honestly don't know how to explain this. I got invited...In a Masterbation cult. o.O

It has got to be the 2nd weirdest thing that has happened to me in my virtual life. Do I really look like some sex-thirsty 16-year old who can't get laid in real life which makes her desperate enough to fuck herself?!!?!?!? What is wrong with you people?!!?

I don't know how to feel. *shrugs* I kept on insisting myself that I was just randomly invited because they want their cult to expand in members, but I don't know. I went for minutes staring at my photo, asking myself if I look like a fucking slut.

BLhasdiaskdaklsdhasjd. I hate traumatizing cults.

And I have got to go. Lunch! <3




He's my bitch. ;p

My mind's unweaving/ 9:50 PM

Starless eyes for heaven's sake.
Monday, June 4, 2007
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: This Is The Best Day Ever - My Chemical Romance

"One day, this day.
Set this ferris wheel ablaze.
You left, my heart, an open wound."


It's been quite a while since I've updated. Err. I've been trying to think of things over, if certain decisions are to be made and whethereI'll regret it or not, it's still a DAMAGE.

To me, to my mentality, to my trust issues, to everything. I've been asking myself "What did I do?" but then again, a side of me is in 'Ray-mode' and telling myself "I deserve to be happy." Maybe I do, but right now, I just don't fucking know.

I cut off every connection I got in mind with her. Yahoo Messanger, Friendster, Myspace, I deleted her in every account so I could finally scratch her out of my "Things To Give A Rat Ass About" list. I shouldn't be worried because as of what I know, I didn't do anything wrong.

Nothing's really change in my state of mind towards her since my last blog update, the only difference is now, I'm not open to any explanations. You had the time you need, now screw you.

But, fuck that. I have loads of things to talk about.

Last Thursday (May 30) , we fetched my grandmom in the airport. It was like it was before, only that I have this weird, old guy hitting on me on the waiting area and my relatives looking at me like I'm some kind of a sinner. Maybe it was the piercing, or the necktie. Whatever, all I know is they're giving me too much attention and I'm liking it.

So...we got my grandmom, took her to the van and went home. She kept on talking about the flight and whatnot, while ranting at me on why I pierced my lip. She said that she was proud enough that I have a pimple-free face and she doesn't want to see holes in it. I just shrugged, as if I could do anything more.

Then the following days, It wasn't really hell, nor heaven, it's just...pretty normal. Only that my sister's bullying me wayy too often now, and all I could hear is grandmom comparing Canada to Philippines. Which makes me more frustrated on the fact that I can't live with them until now. It sucks but due to certain circumstances, I'm gonna have to endure more miserable years stuck in here.

It sucks, or maybe it's wrong to feel like this but I feel like I'm being teased but not getting any. More like, having foreplay but not getting fucked. Now, imagine that. It's all I ever wanted but I can't get it, because people around me screwed up. And now I am affected. Boo hoo.

I should stop now, because I might say more stupid things, okay?

And on the other note, Ray should get her pierced ass online because I miss her too darn much.



^ Edited by Me.

My mind's unweaving/ 5:46 AM